Each time I am faced with criticism, the response is often
not commensurate with the object of my reaction. Even at those times I presume
or make the impression of being affable and open to rebuke; truth is, it’s just
a facade, if not worse. Yet I criticize people and expect them to take it in
their strides.
This discourse is really supposed to critique a behavioral
attribute we all share, but recent events around me has changed the leaning so
permit me to share a short story:
John has been having this nagging problem of not being
happy, especially with his partner. He felt neglected and would stop at nothing
to make sure Peace saw her failings. He shared with her what was wrong in her
approach, the responsibility and roles they held to one another and cant. Now
the issues were varied, yet while he complained to the high heavens, he
expected her to accept and make amends. She on the other hand felt loved but pressured;
these issues in turn affected their communication. A drift set in and even when
they found common ground to fight for it often did not help remove the growing
doubts.
And then came this day when John came across a history
folder while assisting Peace and to his chagrin he discovered that his uncaring
partner has been fighting for them for more than a year. Though the challenges
were not new to him, yet the never knew nor saw this depth. He was shunned and
realized he just did not see beyond the veil and himself. Now, you can ask what
then have they been doing and I had retort - a lot. Yet Let me quickly add that
they were also in their world and head. Yes, they saw enough to want to be together;
still their yearning for who the other person ought to be did not abate. But
this day, John saw through his criticism and why they never worked or seemed ‘forced’
in their best. He saw everything from both eyes as against an eye - he did not
bother to reach beyond him nor look with the benefit of hindsight. A
relationship that could have been mutually fulfilling is now challenged by
simply making one's thought heard.
Are you here? That is the problem with criticism and also
the very reason why it has often been said that the society is always better than the critic. The critic is enveloped in a gait of facts that oftentimes is
divorced from other underpinning factors that could totally change his approach
or response. So in criticism, we turn off and set ourselves on a path of seeing
all that really matters.
Hmm! The thing is, there is always something we want done
better, so what is the man in us supposed to do? Can I isolate myself and still
stay above board? is there any norm for criticizing which we must follow?
Questions and more questions. Now if you must know, this discourse is actually
a critique. Yet I tell you one thing or two I have noticed; our world of differences
is actually our strength. This being more so, as it brings out those emotions
and passions that set our world, business and relationship apart.
Now I am guilty of many of the things I have written here,
yet I am learning to be a better me. Learn not to criticize, rather share your
thoughts; spill them only when you have mastered your anger, passion and
emotions. Understand your situation and environment and let your thought be
geared toward results. And if love is the reason not to bring the other to
disrepute, your joy will be complete. Do know that the mind of the critic is
oblivious of results; they are centered on having the higher ground, being the
right person and seldom about change. There is a strategy for criticism and if
man must master it, he must see the mind as a fire he must kindle with love,
that way his response is not criticism, but a solution.
John is now a prayer warrior while he is also trying to be a
friend, brother before a critic. So of criticism, the man, his mind, his response
- I had say "Let Love Lead".
Simply, speaking the truth in love. Indeed, the end goal of criticism should be for result, and not just being right. Very great perspective
ReplyDeleteThank you Chisom.
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