Court is Now in Session_Case010

The People v. "Let's Catch Up Soon"

Court Clerk:

"All rise!"

"The Honourable Justice Common Sense presiding."

Judge:

"Be seated."

"Bailiff, why does the gallery appear to be full of people avoiding eye contact?"

Bailiff:

"Because, My Lord, most of them are both victims and perpetrators in today's case."

Judge:

"Ah."

"Proceed."

Court Clerk:

"Case No. 010. The People versus 'Let's Catch Up Soon.'"

"Charge: Chronic postponement of friendship, aggravated calendar avoidance, and repeated use of deliberately ambiguous social language."

Prosecutor:

"Ready for the People, My Lord."

Counsel:

"Ready for the Defence."

Judge:

"Bring in the accused."

The accused enters the courtroom carrying a calendar with no dates written in it.

The gallery murmurs.

Judge:

"That calendar is already Exhibit A."

The Case for the Prosecution

Prosecutor:

"My Lord, the evidence is overwhelming."

"In 2019, the accused told the victim:

'We really need to catch up soon.'"

"In 2020, another message:

'We should definitely do this soon.'"

"In 2022:

'It has been too long. Let's catch up!'"

"In 2024:

'We really should see each other.'"

"In 2026..."

The Prosecutor pauses.

"Soon."

The gallery erupts.

Prosecutor:

"Six years, My Lord."

"Six years of 'soon.'"

"Not one date."

"Not one location."

"Not even a tentative 'How about Saturday?'"

The Prosecutor turns to the accused.

"At what point, exactly, does 'soon' become a historical period?"

The Defence

Counsel:

"My Lord, the prosecution misunderstands the social function of the phrase."

"'Let's catch up soon' is not necessarily a scheduling commitment."

"It is an expression of affection."

"A recognition that the relationship matters."

"Sometimes, two people genuinely want to meet but lack the time, energy or coordination to make it happen."

The Judge nods.

"That is reasonable."

The Defence smiles.

"Thank you, My Lord."

"However..."

The Judge looks up.

"I suspect you are about to ruin your own argument."

The Counter-Suit

Counsel:

"The Defence submits that the People are equally guilty."

"How many times has the victim also said:

'Absolutely! Let's do it.'"

"How many times did they propose a date?"

Silence.

The Prosecutor looks at the floor.

The gallery begins shifting uncomfortably.

Counsel:

"Exactly."

"Sometimes 'Let's catch up soon' is a mutually agreed exit strategy."

"Two people warmly acknowledging that they would like to see each other while silently agreeing that neither will open a calendar."

The Judge nods slowly.

"That is disturbingly plausible."

The Calendar Audit

Prosecutor:

"The People call for a calendar audit."

The Court Clerk projects the accused's calendar.

January: Busy.

February: Busy.

March: Busy.

April: Busy.

May: Busy.

June: Busy.

July: "Maybe."

August: "Let's see."

September onwards: completely blank.

Prosecutor:

"My Lord, the accused has had an entire calendar and still managed not to find a date."

Counsel:

"Because, My Lord, 'soon' is an elastic concept."

The Judge sighs.

"Counsel, you are enjoying yourself too much."

The Judgment

Justice Common Sense leans forward.

"The Court recognises that not every expression of affection needs to become a diary appointment."

"Sometimes, 'Let's catch up soon' simply means:

'I miss you. I hope life gives us a chance to sit together again.'"

"That is not a crime."

"But..."

The Judge raises one finger.

"When you genuinely intend to meet, eventually someone must take the next step."

"A date."

"A call."

"An actual plan."

"Otherwise, 'soon' becomes a beautiful little word used to decorate an intention that nobody intends to execute."

The gallery murmurs.

"The accused is therefore found..."

NOT GUILTY of being polite.

GUILTY of Chronic Calendar Ambiguity.

Sentence is hereby passed:

Anyone who says 'Let's catch up soon' three times without proposing a date shall be legally required to follow it with:

"How about next Saturday?"

Failure to do so will result in the immediate conversion of "soon" into the legally recognised period known as:

"Whenever life remembers we exist."

Bang.

The Principle of the Court:

"Good intentions are lovely. Calendars are better."

"And sometimes, the difference between a friendship we remember fondly and one we continue living is simply someone making the first plan."

Court is adjourned.

Next Week Before This Honourable Court...

Case No. 011: The People v. "Delivered, But You'll Never Know If I Read It."

The prosecution alleges that the accused deliberately disabled WhatsApp read receipts, thereby creating an environment of permanent uncertainty.

The Defence intends to argue that read receipts constitute an invasion of privacy and that no one is entitled to know what happens on the other side of a message.

The People have one question:

If you have turned off your read receipts for peace...

why are you still reading the messages?

The Court will determine whether this is privacy, peace of mind, or digital witness tampering.

Proceedings continue next week.