Court is Now in Session_Case No. 004

Case No. 004

The People v. "👍"

 

Court Clerk:

"All rise!"

"This Honourable Court is now in session."

"The Honourable Justice Common Sense presiding."

 

Judge:

"Be seated."

"Call the next matter."

 

Court Clerk:

"Case No. 004."

The People versus '👍'.

Charge: Causing conversational ambiguity, emotional confusion and the abrupt termination of otherwise healthy discussions.

 

Judge:

"Appearances?"

 

Prosecutor:

"Ready for the People, My Lord."

"The prosecution shall demonstrate that the accused has ended more conversations than low battery."

 

Counsel:

"Ready for the Defence."

"My client is merely a gesture of acknowledgment."

"It cannot be held responsible for the imaginations of those who receive it."

 

A low murmur sweeps through the courtroom.

Several members of the gallery quietly hide their phones.

 

Judge:

"Bring in the accused."

 

The courtroom projector illuminates.

A single...

👍

...appears in the centre of the screen.

Nothing else.

No words.

No punctuation.

Just...

👍

The gallery immediately divides into opposing camps.

One gentleman nods approvingly.

Another whispers,

"That thumb has ended friendships."

 

Judge:

"Order."

"This Court reminds everyone that an emoji remains innocent until Context has testified."

 

Prosecutor:

"My Lord, the People seek leave to tender Exhibit A."

 

The Court Clerk approaches carrying a phone inside a sealed evidence pouch.

"My Lord..."

"Exhibit A."

"A message."

"Six paragraphs."

"Thoughtfully written."

"Proofread twice."

"Emotionally vulnerable."

"Sent at 9:14 PM."

 

Judge:

"Proceed."

 

The projector changes.

The courtroom watches.

Nine minutes pass.

The phone vibrates.

Response received.

👍

The courtroom gasps.

A lady in the second row quietly mutters,

"After all that?"

 

Prosecutor:

"My Lord, the victim expected conversation."

"The accused supplied... a thumb."

 

Counsel:

"The Defence objects."

"The prosecution continues to discriminate against concise communication."

 

Judge:

"Objection noted."

"The Court shall hear the witnesses."

 

The People call Politeness.

Politeness enters wearing a neatly pressed suit and offers a courteous bow.

 

Prosecutor:

"What is your relationship with the accused?"

 

Politeness:

"We have worked together for years."

"The thumb simply means..."

"'Message received with thanks.'"

 

Prosecutor:

"Nothing more?"

 

Politeness:

"Nothing more."

 

The Defence calls Efficiency.

Efficiency walks briskly into the witness box carrying a stopwatch.

 

Counsel:

"Mr. Efficiency, why do people use the accused?"

 

Efficiency:

"Because not every message requires a dissertation."

"Sometimes..."

"...people are driving."

"...in meetings."

"...boarding flights."

"...or simply tired."

"The thumb saves everyone time."

 

Several professionals in the gallery applaud.

The Judge immediately silences them with a glance.

 

The People call Sarcasm.

Sarcasm strolls into the witness box with an unmistakable smirk.

 

Prosecutor:

"Mr. Sarcasm..."

"Can the accused ever be hostile?"

 

Sarcasm:

"Oh, absolutely not."

"It is always warm."

"Always encouraging."

"Nobody has ever looked at a lonely thumb and questioned their life choices."

 

The courtroom falls silent.

Nobody knows whether that answer helped either side.

 

The Court calls Disappointment.

Disappointment walks slowly to the witness stand.

Judge:

"You may speak."

 

Disappointment:

"I wasn't expecting an essay."

"I wasn't asking for poetry."

"...just one complete sentence."

The gallery collectively exhales.

Even the Court Reporter pauses before continuing to type.

The Judge leans forward.

He removes his glasses.

Then quietly says,

"Bailiff..."

"Call Context."

 

The courtroom doors open.

Context enters carrying an entire conversation history.

Instantly, every witness begins reviewing their testimony.

 

Judge:

"Context..."

"What does the thumb mean?"

 

Context:

"That depends."

"Who sent it?"

"To whom?"

"After what conversation?"

"And under what circumstances?"

"The thumb has never travelled alone."

"It has always relied on me."

A thoughtful silence settles over the courtroom.

 

Judgment

The Judge reaches for his gavel.

"This Court has carefully considered the evidence."

"It finds that the emoji known as '👍' possesses no fixed meaning."

"In some conversations it conveys appreciation."

"In others, efficiency."

"Occasionally, enthusiasm."

"And yes..."

"...from time to time..."

"...it has been recruited into passive aggression."

A few thumbs quietly disappear beneath courtroom benches.

"The Court therefore finds the accused..."

NOT GUILTY.

The gallery erupts.

The Judge raises a hand.

"However..."

Instant silence.

"This Court finds Jumping to Conclusions guilty of repeatedly impersonating Context."

"Sentence is hereby imposed."

"The offender shall read every conversation from the beginning before drawing another inference."

The Judge pauses one final time.

"The Court further observes that communication is not measured by the size of a reply, but by the clarity of its meaning."

The Principle of the Court

“An emoji has no voice of its own. It merely borrows the tone of the conversation in which it appears.”

Court is adjourned.

Bang.

Next Week Before This Honourable Court...

Case No. 005

The People v. "We Need to Talk."

Three words.

Unlimited panic.

Proceedings continue next week.